Strategies for Stress-Free Living

I spent the weekend in Amsterdam. It’s been 10 years since I last visited and I had forgotten how beautiful a city Amsterdam is. What has a weekend away got to do with strategies for stress-free living? Three days of weaving through cobbled streets along picturesque canals reminded me how helpful it can be to take yourself outside your everyday environment, even if it is just for a short while. Being in new surroundings helps you to observe life, allowing you to work on it, rather than in it.

Loading up the senses with beautiful yet unfamiliar surroundings helps to engage the creative part of the brain so new solutions are found for problems or issues gain a new perspective. It’s also an opportunity to park issues so they’re not constantly grinding in the background of life.

Below is an exercise which will help you to park any issues that may be gnawing away in the back of your mind. This is a great exercise to do just before going on holiday or even as part of the Friday night ritual so that you can ensure your weekends recharge and replenish you.

Imagine you have two suitcases before you. Think of each issue or situation you’re facing right now and place them, one by one, in the suitcases. When you’ve put everything in the suitcases have one last look around in case something has been forgotten then slam those suitcases shut and lock them tight.

If you find yourself thinking of these issues or situations, say to yourself. “No I don’t need to think of these things right now. I have safely stored them away and I will deal with them one by one when I’m ready”.

I promise you, this exercise is a great way to end a busy week and ensure a relaxing weekend.

Tags: Focus and Meaning, Relaxation by Tracy
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What impact does human behaviour within the constructs of a relationship have on the incidence of heart disease and mortality? Dr Elaine Eaker led a team of researchers who studied 3,682 men and women who were participating in the Framingham Heart Study hoping to cast some light on exactly this question. The Framingham Heart Study is based in Framingham, Massachusetts and began in 1948 with 5,209 adults originally taking part. This study is now in its third generation of participants. Much of what we know about heart disease is based on this study.

Dr Eaker and her team discovered that women who stay silent during a marital spat were four times more likely to die than woman who felt free to express themselves during a marital argument. They also found that although marriage was good for men’s health, men who’s spouses suffered from work-related stress were 2.7 times more likely to develop coronary heart disease then men who’s spouses were not unhappy at work. One possible explanation is that the men who’s wives suffered from work-related stress felt that they couldn’t protect her in this area of her life.

Relationship Stress is a psycho-physiological response to a perceived threatening situation that occurs within the constructs of a relationship. Coping mechanisms, such as “self-silencing” may resolve the overt stressor but will also contribute to the inner stress associated with not feeling safe or self-esteem issues that arise from not being able to communicate honestly and openly without fear of reprisal. Often this method of communicating is unconscious as it is learnt by observing relationships during childhood. Dr Eaker believes that “self-silencing” during times of conflict may be an evolutionary survival trait.

The findings underscore the importance of healthy communication within marriage, Eaker says, although she does urge that other researchers confirm the results “before we make a lot out of them.” Nevertheless, she concludes, “both spouses really need to allow another person a safe environment to express feelings when they’re in conflict,” both for their own health, and for the health of the relationship

Tags: Emotional Stress, Focus and Meaning, Stress Related Illness, Work-Related Stress by Tracy
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Have you ever wondered why you get stressed?

Or what getting stressed actually means for your body?

One of the things I have discovered through helping people manage stress, is that it really helps if you know what causes stress and what is going on in your body when you get stressed. This helps in three ways:

• By knowing how stress is caused, we can change the trigger points and reverse the whole chain reaction;
• Understanding the physiological response allows you to help your body rebalance after a stressful situation; and
• By being aware of your stress patterns, you can monitor your stress levels and take action to minimise the impact stress has on your health and well-being.

Stress starts in the mind with a thought. When we are stressed, it is because we have chosen to interpret a particular event (whether that be a situation or a person) as a threat. This assessment of the current situation generates a negative emotional response, which in turn causes changes in the body. This very natural reaction prepares us to deal with that threat.

It’s a bit like building a wall of pictures. The subconscious mind will present each memory like a brick in the wall. As the wall is built from various memories (some positive and some negative), we respond to the overall impression of that wall. If the emotional response is negative, the body goes on alert. Non-critical physiological responses, such as digestion, are shut down. Critical responses, such as pumping oxygenated blood to the arms and legs in preparation for fight or flight, are ramped up. Chemicals, such as adrenaline and nor-adrenaline, are produced to fuel us for the required response.

In times past, when we were hunters and gatherers, it was this exact response that kept us alive. If we were trekking through the jungle and came across a tiger, we needed to decide immediately if this situation was a threat. Once we had decided that this was indeed a threat, the body would go on “red alert” and we would fight the tiger or run away. And herein lies the modern dilemma. We are still coming across those “tigers” in everyday life. The difference is now we can’t choose to fight or flee.

Imagine you are in a high-powered board meeting fighting for the survival of your project. You can’t respond by punching somebody or doing five laps around the Boardroom. However, your mind and body are still using that process that in times past, kept you alive. Rather than responding to these perceived threats, modern day living requires us to bury our “killer instinct” so that it can be unleashed at an appropriate time and in an appropriate manner.

In effect, we carry the unreleased hunter or runner around with us. The body adapts to this added weight by holding on. We notice this holding on as tension or tightness in the neck or back, for example. Over time, this tension builds up and we find ourselves experiencing symptoms associated with stress. We need to find an outlet for releasing this pressure that has built up in the body. Fight or flight was the release valve. It’s time to build in a modern-day equivalent.

What could you do right now, or over the course of this next week, to help your body release tension? Here are a few ideas:

• Enjoy a complementary therapy session such as massage, shiatsu or acupuncture;
• Take part in a fun class at the gym;
• Find something to laugh about (no tiny laughs though, we need those big belly-aching guffaws)
• Learn tai chi, chi kung or yoga;
• Make a decision to change how we perceive things (this stops the whole chain reaction);
• Spend some time with your pet (pat the cat or take the dog out for a walk);
• Gentle exercise such as swimming is great, or if you enjoy it, go for a run.

No matter how busy you are this week, it’s really important to choose something, just one thing, and stick to it. It will make a world of difference. Not only will you be helping your body let off some steam, you will also be affirming that you value yourself enough to take care of your body.

Tags: Stress FAQ by Tracy
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Research recently released by Mintel indicates that young adults have become de-sensitised to debt. One in five young adults would consider bankruptcy or Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVAs) as a solution to the burden of high levels of debt. Whilst bankruptcy may appear to reduce the amount of debt owed it doesn’t reduce the level of financial stress. It simply swaps one type of financial stress with a different type of financial stress.

Todd Davis, senior finance analyst at Mintel, said: “Student loans and the endless stream of credit card offers, overdraft extensions and hire purchase mean that there is no longer the stigma of going into debt that there once was. But the fact that it is now more accepted has done little to alleviate the stress of accumulating high amounts of debt. Bankruptcy is now widely accepted among young adults mainly because it is the natural follow on from rising debt but also because the Government has made the conditions of bankruptcy less painful.”

We train ourselves from an early age that debt is ok, we use frivolous shopping as a means of stimulation, enjoyment, tribal affiliation or an opportunity to socialise. Mintel’s research indicated that 25% of young adults indulge in frivolous shopping (when we buy stuff we don’t need with money we don’t have). We train our minds to associate excitement with purchasing to such an extent that the monthly credit card bill arriving with an available balance prompts the unconscious question, “What shall I buy?” We mistake the available balance on our credit card bill as money in the bank. There are three issues with this lifestyle.

• Sooner or later the credit card bill catches up with you. For many people this is an incredibly stressful experience. Feelings of anxiety or depression are not unusual.
• By not changing the conscious-unconscious relationship between spending and excitement, you will take on more debt as soon as you are no longer officially bankrupt. This process leads to long-term poverty just as yo-yo dieting contributes to long-term obesity.
• A choice such as bankruptcy can have long-term career implications as some professions do not allow those who have declared themselves bankrupt to practice. It’s really important to get quality impartial advice when considering bankruptcy or an IVA.

So how do we move out of this spiral? First we need to retrain our minds so that we associate pleasure with an available balance in our savings account not our credit card. Here’s one way of achieving that.

1. Set up a standing order that transfers money from your current account to a savings account. Get one with a savings book so you can put the book in a drawer and forget about it. Arrange for the money to be transferred as soon as you get paid or better still get your employer to pay part of your salary directly into a savings account.
2. Now this accumulation of funds isn’t for spending. Eight months after you have opened the account take your passbook to the bank and get it updated so that you can see the transactions over the last eight months. Focus on the buzz and feelings of satisfaction as you look at the balance in your account.
3. Now for the really important part…don’t spend it…put the savings book back in your drawer for another eight months. Over time you will retrain your nervous system so that you associate pleasure with saving. By keeping it in the back of your drawer and forgetting about it for a while, you’re making sure you don’t spend it before you have an opportunity to enjoy that sense of achievement. It’s also a good idea to check out tax efficient savings options so you are maximising your return on the investment.

The next thing to tackle is that credit card debt. It’s important to see it as it is, but not worse than it is.

1. Make a list of all your credit cards, the outstanding balance for each one, the minimum payment required and the interest rate. It takes 10 years and 7 months to repay a credit card balance of £360 if you are making just the minimum payments. The great news is that we can make compounding interest work for you rather than against you.
2. Set up standing orders so that you are certain that you are meeting all your credit card minimum requirements.
3. Now focus on the credit card that carries the highest interest rate and commit to making an additional minimum payment each month. Set up a standing order so that it happens without you focussing on it. Once you have repaid the outstanding balance on this card do the same thing for the credit card that carries the next highest interest rate.
4. Choose the credit card that carries the lowest interest rate. This is the one that you will use for emergencies. Cut the other cards up so that you are not tempted to top up the outstanding balances and undo all your good work.
5. When those credit card statements turn up on your door, really focus feeling great as you watch that balance melt away to nothing.

Of all the sources of stress today – relationships, work, competitive, financial, environmental – financial is the most insidious. You can never leave it behind for a moment, it’s always sitting there on your shoulder. Swapping one label (high level of unsecured debt) for another (IVA or bankrupt) doesn’t reduce the level of stress that you’re carrying. Taking action to change what is causing the stress at its root is the only way to ensure a life beyond stress. As the old saying goes, If you keep doing what you’re doing, you will keep getting what you’ve got.

Tags: Financial Stress by Tracy
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So it’s another day of rain and the tube’s not working yet again. Looking around at my fellow commuters having sandwiched myself into a number 73 bus, I ask myself, “how can you survive this transport chaos and remain calm and stress-free?” So I’m writing down a few ideas in an attempt to use my redirected travel time more productively.

Ah ha, I’ve just stumbled across the first strategy. I’ve changed my focus from, “How on earth am I going to get home now?” to, “OK I’m on the bus with nothing to do except wait for my destination I’ll write down some strategies and get my downtime back in the process”. I’ve just taken back control. This transport chaos is no longer something that is done to me. I’m choosing my outcome.

Next strategy. See the situation as it is, but don’t see it worse than it is. Ok, I’m going to be late which is annoying, but not life threatening. With that thought my chest lightens a bit more, I breathe deep and sigh quietly. I’m feeling better already.

Another strategy, it’s all in the biofeedback. (I’ll provide a fuller explanation on biofeedback in a later blog) In short, biofeedback is a process of noticing changes in your body. It’s important to notice how you are feeling, physically and emotionally, as they both provide clues to what you are thinking about.

Stress starts in the mind when we perceive an event to be threatening. As a result of that decision (is this a threat?), we have an emotional response and physiological changes take place in the body to prepare us for the stress response, fight or flight. By noticing how we feel, we check in with the trigger thought. Do I feel happy? Is there a feeling of lightness in my body? Then, the thought is a helpful one. Do I feel anxious? Is there a feeling of tightness in my body? Then, the trigger thought must be less helpful, so I choose to change what I’m thinking about. I can keep changing my thoughts until I register a more helpful feeling in my body and emotional response. Or I can choose a predetermined thought that I know is guaranteed to make me feel happy. Once I’ve registered that thought, I’m in a better frame of mind to move on to thinking about other things.

Changing my thoughts reminded me of my physiology. I wasn’t breathing fully (who does in London traffic?) and my physiology was adding to my irritation. Emotions leave clues. Follow the emotion back to its trigger thought, change the thought and instantly you feel different. Feel different and notice your body feels different too (better or worse depending on the thought you selected and what you replaced it with).

So here are a few thoughts on surviving the transport chaos. I know I’m now feeling much more relaxed and way less stressed. My fellow commuters are still looking stressed though!

Please leave a comment and let me know tools and strategies you use to survive the transport chaos.

Tags: Focus and Meaning by Tracy
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